I’m Over Here

The following sketch is the second of two sketches based on Acts 17: 22-31

(Holy Joe and No-So-Holy Josephine stand on opposite sides of the church and have to raise their voices to be heard)

Josephine      (Calling) Hello, can you help me!

(Joe doesn’t notice)

Josephine      (Calling louder) Hello, can you help me!

(Joe looks up.)

Josephine      Hello, can you help me!

(Joe points to himself and mouths ‘Who, me?’)

Josephine      Hello!

Joe                    (quietly) Can I help you?

Josephine      What?

Joe                    (Louder) Can I help you?

Josephine      I do hope so. I am looking for something.

Joe                    What are you looking for?

Josephine      I’m not sure. But I feel empty inside.

Joe                    Would you like a cup of tea and a biscuit?

Josephine      No, I mean, my life is empty. I need something to fill me spiritually.

Joe                    (dropping his voice) Well, you’ve come to the right place, this is a church.

Josephine      Pardon?

Joe                    (Raising his voice again) Well, you’ve come to the right place. Come here, come to church  and I’ll help you find God.

Josephine      Who?

Joe                    God. I’ll help you find God. You can find God if you come to church.

Josephine      Where is he?

Joe                    Everywhere. Come here and I will tell you how to put God into your life. Come to church and meet God.

Josephine      But I’m here. My life is here. If God is everywhere, why can’t I find out about him here where my life is? I’ve never been to church. That’s not where my life is.

Joe                    But you have to come to church to meet God. You can find out about Him and His Son, Jesus Christ, and how the Holy Spirit can help. You can pray to God and sing to God and read about God and hear sermons about God. God can help all sinners and fill their empty lives.

Josephine      That’s not me! I don’t think I want this god in my life until I get to know him. I don’t even know this god you are talking about so how can come to church and meet him. I won’t feel comfortable there. I’d much rather meet him here where I feel comfortable

Joe                    But our church is where you meet God. We meet Him here every Sunday. We have a crèche and coffee and biscuits afterwards.

Josephine      But you said that God is everywhere.

Joe                    Yes, he is.

Josephine      So is he here with me now?

Joe                    Yes but …

Josephine      So why can’t you come here and point him out to me because I can’t see him.

Joe                    But it’s not that simple. I can help you find God if you come to church. I find Him here every Sunday.

Josephine      But I need more than that. I need to find something in my life every day not just on Sundays. I need someone who knows me and can help me and can make my life real. I really feel that I need to make something of my life and your god is only available on Sundays.

Joe                    Yes but if you come to church you’ll …

Josephine      (Looking around) Hello! Is there anyone else that can help? Hello!

(She walks off.)

Climbing the Threshold

The following sketch is the first of two sketches based on Acts 17: 22-31

(A Church Steward meets a visitor at the door to the church. By the steward are a pile of chairs which he/she will use to build up a hurdle. On the chairs are the following labels on the back rest of the seat: ‘Clean and Tidy’, ‘Moral’, ‘Criminal’ ‘Political’, ‘Trouble-maker’, ‘Religion’, ‘Creed’, ‘My Church’. Place the chairs so the labels cannot be seen.)

Steward   Welcome to our church. Our doors are always open to welcome newcomers. Is this your first time?

Visitor      Yes it is and it’s nice to see such wide-open doors. (Peering over the steward to look inside) It certainly looks inviting from what I can see out here. Can I come in?

Steward   You are most welcome to come in.

Visitor      (Moving as if to come in.) Thank you I …

Steward   (Stopping him.) But first …

Visitor      What?

Steward   (Placing the ‘Clean and Tidy Chair’ in his/her way with the label forward.)
 You are not dressed properly and you fingernails are a bit grubby.

Visitor      But …

Steward   We must do our best for God mustn’t we? (Placing the ‘Moral Chair’ in his/her way.)  I see you are not married but living with someone out of wedlock …

Visitor      But …

Steward   (Placing the ‘Criminal Chair’ in his/her way.) and I overheard that you have six points on drivers licence.’

Visitor      But …

Steward   Don’t you know the Ten Commandments. (Placing the ‘Political Chair’ in his way.) Someone told me that you are a member of the Green Party.

Visitor      Yes, but …

Steward   Ah well, you see we believe that politics and religion mix. Anyway, most of the folk here voted for the (whispers behind his/her hand while making sure he cannot be overheard) Party.  (Placing the ‘Trouble-maker Chair’ in his/her way.) Didn’t you go on that protest march to Trafalgar Square the other week?

Visitor      Yes, but …

Steward   Well, we can’t have trouble-makers here. (Placing the ‘Religion Chair’ in his/her way.) Your family raised you as an Anglican, didn’t they?

Visitor      They  did, but …

Steward   We don’t speak to them. (Placing the ‘Creed chair' in his/her way.) You have to believe what we believe. You will have to sign a form to say that you do.

Visitor      But …

Steward   (Placing the ‘My Church chair’ in his/her way.) When you do get in don’t sit in the first chair in the second row on the right. Molly always sits there and she gets upset if anyone else sits there.

Visitor      But …

Steward   Anyway, you are welcome to come in through our wide-open doors. We have a crèche.

(The visitor tries several times to climb over the chairs but cannot climb the barrier).

Visitor      (Upset). I thought that God accepted everyone but you have put all these barriers up to prevent me from getting in!

Steward   God may have accepted you but I am afraid the standards at this church are much higher.